I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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