so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
