apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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