There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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