i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
