Texts From Last Night

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  (478): View more from Georgia

  you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.

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  (478): you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/9omq
  Replies (12) Good night (6813) Bad night (684)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...

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  (307): If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter... http://tfl.nu/rvqi
  Replies (24) Good night (5554) Bad night (819)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

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  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (6092) Bad night (1108)
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  (909): View more from California

  At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains

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  (909): At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains http://tfl.nu/rchm
  Replies (3) Good night (920) Bad night (2341)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me

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  (+44): The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me http://tfl.nu/123e
  Replies (6) Good night (1247) Bad night (2990)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.

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  (248): You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual. http://tfl.nu/weeh
  Replies (4) Good night (2602) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.

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  (757): It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog. http://tfl.nu/clzo
  Replies (3) Good night (1705) Bad night (599)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left

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  (614): Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left http://tfl.nu/4sdk
  Replies (5) Good night (755) Bad night (2353)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.

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  (519): Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud. http://tfl.nu/laot
  Replies (20) Good night (1953) Bad night (992)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.

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  (801): When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon. http://tfl.nu/dq5q
  Replies (8) Good night (504) Bad night (1666)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.

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  (941): Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game. http://tfl.nu/smzi
  Replies (7) Good night (991) Bad night (562)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.

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  (402): His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time. http://tfl.nu/xcon
  Replies (11) Good night (1865) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf

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  (508): Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf http://tfl.nu/j0ls
  Replies (2) Good night (739) Bad night (325)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children

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  (931): I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children http://tfl.nu/92r8
  Replies (4) Good night (959) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit

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  (561): Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit http://tfl.nu/ek73
  Replies (3) Good night (588) Bad night (281)

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