Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  He disabled his match.com account in front of me

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  (917): He disabled his match.com account in front of me http://tfl.nu/yzdn
  Replies (7) Good night (1497) Bad night (609)
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  (760): View more from California

  ...so i touched it.

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  (760): ...so i touched it. http://tfl.nu/tqtb
  Replies (8) Good night (2794) Bad night (648)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?

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  (614): Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy? http://tfl.nu/swws
  Replies (17) Good night (5348) Bad night (745)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I want my thong back.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I hate you tequila.

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  (763): I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong... (612): I want my thong back. (763): I hate you tequila. http://tfl.nu/u481
  Replies (16) Good night (5030) Bad night (828)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  well, dont

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

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  (720): So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face. (970): well, dont (720): I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it. http://tfl.nu/lbqb
  Replies (32) Good night (6197) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working

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  (216): Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working http://tfl.nu/ls32
  Replies (7) Good night (1091) Bad night (3512)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.

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  (817): she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it. http://tfl.nu/rt8c
  Replies (10) Good night (3909) Bad night (980)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?

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  (503): So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it? http://tfl.nu/4plu
  Replies (14) Good night (3767) Bad night (1031)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on

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  (717): I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on http://tfl.nu/s4r4
  Replies (3) Good night (1759) Bad night (707)
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  (760): View more from California

  You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare

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  (760): You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare http://tfl.nu/ctrq
  Replies (13) Good night (727) Bad night (2263)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake

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  (630): Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake http://tfl.nu/dh07
  Replies (3) Good night (1157) Bad night (579)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive

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  (406): I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive http://tfl.nu/6hck
  Replies (3) Good night (1243) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.

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  (917): Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays. http://tfl.nu/jpwh
  Replies (12) Good night (656) Bad night (1091)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went

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  (207): Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went http://tfl.nu/zl9j
  Replies (0) Good night (540) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.

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  (203): She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle. http://tfl.nu/9n9g
  Replies (5) Good night (934) Bad night (177)

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