i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet