writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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