Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.