Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better

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  (713): i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better http://tfl.nu/apc9
  Replies (3) Good night (913) Bad night (2336)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.

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  (314): I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis. http://tfl.nu/ymag
  Replies (16) Good night (5074) Bad night (703)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my cup is half full, half full of rum.

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  (603): my cup is half full, half full of rum. http://tfl.nu/ajky
  Replies (11) Good night (5458) Bad night (963)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis

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  (540): Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis http://tfl.nu/8a3h
  Replies (13) Good night (3473) Bad night (851)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.

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  (410): Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style. http://tfl.nu/gn5p
  Replies (9) Good night (3674) Bad night (1230)
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  (916): View more from California

  Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.

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  (916): Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On. http://tfl.nu/kp7b
  Replies (5) Good night (3746) Bad night (787)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.

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  (416): He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut. http://tfl.nu/vwy6
  Replies (8) Good night (5224) Bad night (954)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested

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  (352): Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested http://tfl.nu/s1lm
  Replies (15) Good night (971) Bad night (2106)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole

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  (865): I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole http://tfl.nu/7gdi
  Replies (8) Good night (638) Bad night (1091)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.

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  (228): Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well. http://tfl.nu/vvbh
  Replies (10) Good night (1283) Bad night (586)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.

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  (919): I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement. http://tfl.nu/xeg4
  Replies (1) Good night (583) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aren't you gay?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME

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  (215): I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college (267): Aren't you gay? (215): IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME http://tfl.nu/3fr7
  Replies (6) Good night (3150) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0

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  (231): he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0 http://tfl.nu/ayul
  Replies (6) Good night (422) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.

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  (315): That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature. http://tfl.nu/jo7c
  Replies (0) Good night (327) Bad night (437)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  When your hungover saltines taste like hope...

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  (317): When your hungover saltines taste like hope... http://tfl.nu/bvv1
  Replies (1) Good night (385) Bad night (333)

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