im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
