I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Where are you guys?
Drunk
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize