Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
