This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
