to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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