Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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