wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
