And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
