I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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