get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
