Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
