Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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