Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
