Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
