so explain again why im purple
no
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
