if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
