lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
