I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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