I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
