I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
