Im at strip club and am horny
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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