im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
