No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
