i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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