so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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