No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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