your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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