somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
