we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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