New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
