All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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