Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my phone needs a breathalizer
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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