i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
