what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
