Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
