she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
