someone threw a dead crab at me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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