I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
