bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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