Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
