Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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