I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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