I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
