no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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