She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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