You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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