As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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