I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
