Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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