Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
