I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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