Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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