My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
