You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
