I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
