Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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