It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
